I AM CANADIAN:

My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Banff, and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1972, yet I am responsible for some native's great great grandfather who screwed himself out of his land in the 1800's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that I've helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation's prime ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I often badmouth the United States and then vacation there three times a year.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.

I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire") by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control the rain.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry taxpayer who is broke.

My name is Bob, and I AM CANADIAN!

If Bob can find somewhere better to live, he should let us know so we can all move there.

Yeah, the problem is there is NOWHERE better to live

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